i was given my first thong in a 6th grade secret santa.
how survivor took me down memory lane, to then teach me a valuable lesson for the future of my business (and life)
In today's episode of, “random moments that made Tori cry during PMS week” we open on a scene from the latest episode of Survivor (warning: some unintentional spoilers may happen here if you aren't caught up.)
Things got teary on the Sprankel couch as I listened to Carolyn (a openly odd cast member, who may be a fan favorite soon) open up about her sobriety and how finding herself through it all, she's realized she loves her life and weirdness and “gets to do things like decorate for halloween, and it's creepy as shit but she gets to do it for her son now.” Cue the tears.
Now, this was probably not a teary moment across America - but for me it really struck something deep inside as Carolyn and the other cast members started to bond over those moments in life where they were the weird kid. We all have been through that phase - no matter where we were or are now.
I bet a very specific moment just popped into your head. It did for me…
It instantly took me back to 6th grade in the gym when this bully, Callie, rudely and publicly picked at me for how bad my makeup looked (bc it was my mom's, 3-4 shades darker than my actual skin tone, and contouring videos on youtube are like 15 years away).
More importantly, I was not a girly-girl by any means - I loved my umbro shorts and playing hard on the playground, still as an 11 year old - and 6th grade was one of the hardest years for me, as I had a new group of “friends” who were leaps and bounds above me in their womanhood (and throwing me way off guard as they all swapped VS thongs for our secret santa, where I brought childish blue glitter eye gloss from limited too.)
I had no idea how to do makeup or wear a thong, and honestly didn't really care - but I desperately wanted to be seen as normal and acceptable to society these girls who cared A LOT about that.
What I cared A LOT about was playing sports and digging for things in the backyard (it became an addiction once I found a few vintage glass bottles), dolphins, Thoroughbred books, learning to sew and playing with my skip it.
As I look back on those times, I feel like I began to trade acceptance with these girls for all my weirdness that I now miss in my 30s.
So back to the Carolyn moment for a second.
During those bonding moments, there's a 1:1 interview with another fan fav, Frannie. There, she's talking about how Carolyn opening up made her really love her, and realize she could learn a lot from her “love of self” because she's currently on a journey to discover and embrace her weirdness.
Insert me screaming, “me too, Frannie, me too!”
As someone who second guesses everything (specifically anything that's publicly out there for the Callie's of the world to judge) I began to realize that maybe we're all just on a journey to discover and embrace our weirdness, but we're too hurt from the norms we didn't fit into as kids to courageously be it.
The kicker being… we know the Fan Favorites are always the openly odd, secure in who they are, cast members.
The Carolyn's.
The one's we relate to deep inside, or maybe even look up to. The one's where we watch and think: “I wish I had more weird”, “If only I had that confidence.”
TLDR; (kinda)
It's taken me 20+ years (and two v impressionable little girls) to really understand how important ‘weirdness’ is. I welcome you to join me in just figuring shit out - even if your weirdness is something you've never seen before, or if it's boring, or basic (F* the term basic), or something completely opposite of what you've built your whole life/business/personality around.
You're not too old to wear the cheesy unicorn shirt if that's what you like (iykyk.)
And without getting too existential and all:
we only get one shot at this life… let's keep it weird.
